Action or not?
I am wondering today how others deal with hurt feelings...do you take action on them or not?
I know people who address hurt feelings with the wrath of God...they bear down and spew every piece of ventom that they have...when this happens things usually get bigger and bigger than they ever were and the hurt cuts deep...
I know people who shove those hurt feelings down...cover them up...say they don't matter, when they do...they cause a depression in themselves that causes havoc in their life that they just don't know how to fix...
I know people who simply run from hurt...
I know people who try to find the root of the hurt in order to heal...they try to understand the other person so that they can work through the hurt...
I use to be one of those people who shoved everything down...down deep and covered it up with all sorts of things...and then I became one of the fight or flight people who would stomp my foot and fight for what I believed was right (didn't matter if it really was or not) or I would run as fast as I could from the situation in order not to deal with it...
As I have aged I tend to explore my heart...and I usually find that nothing is really hurting me...it hurts my ego...If I look to the root of the hurt I usually find that it has more to do with old baggage of my own...old patterns...fear or not having a voice...
I know that hurt feelings for me causes saddness...and I know that saddness is a very natural feeling...saddness sends me a message that something needs to change...and with age I am learning that I am capable of using my inner strength to deal with that change...to deal with my emotions...and to find the right way to work through those feelings without blaming someone else...
So...when you find yourself feeling hurt and sad by things how do you deal with them?
Do you take action or not?
Proposition...Ultimatum or LOVE?
What is the difference between a proposition and an ultimatum?
Here are the meanings according to Merriam-Webster's dictionary:
Proposition: Anything stated or affirmed for discussion or illustration. The act of offering or suggesting something to be considered, accepted, adopted or done.
Ultimatum: A final, uncompromising demand or set of terms issued by a party to a dispute, the rejection of which may lead to a severance of relations or to the use of force.
So lets say you believe that someone has done you wrong...but you say you want to make things right...Do you offer up a proposition or an ultimatum? Or better yet, do you open your heart in the name of love?
Do you tell them if they do ABC than they can still be in your life and get back in your good graces? Do you tell them that if they don't do ABC than they cannot? Do you tell them that it is an all or nothing proposition?
Or is that an ultimatum?
Would you feel you are a winner if the person does the ABC? Would you feel that they lose if they don't?
Love: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another
As for me...
I choose LOVE...because LOVE always wins!
What about you...proposition...ultimatum or love?
Here are the meanings according to Merriam-Webster's dictionary:
Proposition: Anything stated or affirmed for discussion or illustration. The act of offering or suggesting something to be considered, accepted, adopted or done.
Ultimatum: A final, uncompromising demand or set of terms issued by a party to a dispute, the rejection of which may lead to a severance of relations or to the use of force.
So lets say you believe that someone has done you wrong...but you say you want to make things right...Do you offer up a proposition or an ultimatum? Or better yet, do you open your heart in the name of love?
Do you tell them if they do ABC than they can still be in your life and get back in your good graces? Do you tell them that if they don't do ABC than they cannot? Do you tell them that it is an all or nothing proposition?
Or is that an ultimatum?
Would you feel you are a winner if the person does the ABC? Would you feel that they lose if they don't?
Love: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another
As for me...
I choose LOVE...because LOVE always wins!
What about you...proposition...ultimatum or love?
Do you wear rose colored glasses?
In my book, Permission Slip For Your Heart and Soul, this is one of my FAVORITE pages. Probably because I love looking at things in a positive way...maybe because I have a bit (OK a lot) of a Pollyannish attitude! But here comes the glitch...I usually think that everyone thinks like me...that what makes me happy makes them happy...what makes me sad makes them sad...
And what happens is when the reality of that thinking proves to be wrong, I feel hurt. Now, is this of my own making?...of course it is, I really don't think that people would deliberately hurt me...But I should never assume that everyone looks at the world through rose colored glasses...I should never assume that everyone looks at the glass half full....I should never assume that what is good for the goose is good for the gander...
So what do I think when my rose colored glasses get dirty? When something that I hold so dear seems to be ending...when it does not appear as if I am on the same page as everyone else...???
First I cry...and then I breathe...and then I breathe even deeper still till I come back to my own center which believes that life with all its wisdom knows that this is the way I must live my life...rose colored glasses and all...it has brought me to this day and this place. And as much as I might wish that everyone thinks like me, I know that is not the reality of life. That you cannot make anyone else think...act...or believe what you do, no matter how hard you try...how loudly you yell...how hard you stomp your foot. We each are responsible for ourselves only. And I smile...
and remember what Dr. Seuss said: "Don't cry because it is over...smile because it happened"
Do you wear rose colored glasses? And what do you do if they get dirty?
Are good manners and etiquette still important?
Yes...I am a baby boomer! Raised in a middle class blue collar family in upstate New York. As I was growing up, like everyone I learned to use my "good manners"...to say please and thank you...to ask politely for something...to respect others, especially your elders...I also learned "good etiquette"...how to set a proper table...how a young lady sits properly...the art of writing a thank you note when you receive a gift from someone...(these are just a few of them, but I think you get the idea....I am a baby boomer raised in the 50's...a totally different era than today)
So we fast forward to 2015...and my question in this electronic age...where people don't talk much on the phone anymore (unless your a baby boomer!!)...they type...text...tweet...facebook...
Are good manners and etiquette still important?
I am one of those people who does not own a smart phone...I do have a flip phone, but it is almost always sitting on my table...I rarely have it on me...why? because I do not use it unless I truly have to if I am traveling or if I want to send a quick text that says "thinking of you" or "sending love"...I do not use it because it feels impersonal to me...I am an old school kind of gal...I still write thank you notes...I still write letters...I still make phone calls...and I still believe that good manners and etiquette are important...
I watch children today as they talk to their parents...sounding more often like a peer...a buddy...a pal...I watch as 10 year olds are still being reminded to say "please" or "thank you"...I watch as a lot of children no longer have chores to do in order to earn the allowance so they can save and purchase that one more video game that they just have to have...or those pricey clothes that allows them to be part of the group...
I watch and wonder...what happened?
Certainly I am all for growth...but electronics seem to be taking over our lives and our children's and grandchildren's lives...before we had cell phones we did not talk on the phone at the table...and yet I see it all the time where people are texting at the table...or playing a game...people talk on their phones in stores (where everyone can hear the one side of their conversation)...they talk and text in the car (even though it is against the law) How many times have you misread or misinterpreted an email because you could not hear the reflection in someone's voice?
Now, I am not saying that cell phones and technology are terrible...because certainly I would not be typing this here so anyone could read it...What I am saying is that I believe their is a lack of manners and etiquette because of them...
All I am saying is come on people....talk to one another...reach out...write a thank you note...engage with one another on a personal level...You just might find that connecting in this way will cause a happiness that you forgot you could have...
So...How do you feel about manners and etiquette? Are they still important?
So we fast forward to 2015...and my question in this electronic age...where people don't talk much on the phone anymore (unless your a baby boomer!!)...they type...text...tweet...facebook...
Are good manners and etiquette still important?
I am one of those people who does not own a smart phone...I do have a flip phone, but it is almost always sitting on my table...I rarely have it on me...why? because I do not use it unless I truly have to if I am traveling or if I want to send a quick text that says "thinking of you" or "sending love"...I do not use it because it feels impersonal to me...I am an old school kind of gal...I still write thank you notes...I still write letters...I still make phone calls...and I still believe that good manners and etiquette are important...
I watch children today as they talk to their parents...sounding more often like a peer...a buddy...a pal...I watch as 10 year olds are still being reminded to say "please" or "thank you"...I watch as a lot of children no longer have chores to do in order to earn the allowance so they can save and purchase that one more video game that they just have to have...or those pricey clothes that allows them to be part of the group...
I watch and wonder...what happened?
Certainly I am all for growth...but electronics seem to be taking over our lives and our children's and grandchildren's lives...before we had cell phones we did not talk on the phone at the table...and yet I see it all the time where people are texting at the table...or playing a game...people talk on their phones in stores (where everyone can hear the one side of their conversation)...they talk and text in the car (even though it is against the law) How many times have you misread or misinterpreted an email because you could not hear the reflection in someone's voice?
Now, I am not saying that cell phones and technology are terrible...because certainly I would not be typing this here so anyone could read it...What I am saying is that I believe their is a lack of manners and etiquette because of them...
All I am saying is come on people....talk to one another...reach out...write a thank you note...engage with one another on a personal level...You just might find that connecting in this way will cause a happiness that you forgot you could have...
So...How do you feel about manners and etiquette? Are they still important?
How do you forgive?
We each have our own opinion on what forgiveness means to us...I was taught to "forgive and forget". As an adult I am not sure if we can all do this...because as adults it becomes more about ego...more about who did what and why...Forgiveness is sometimes a very difficult thing to do. And yet, we have all read stories about how someone forgave an unspeakable crime. I wonder, why is it that we hold on to those things that we said we forgave someone for? Why is it that most people say, "I will forgive them if they repent"? Why is it that most of us put strings and conditions on our forgiveness?
According to the dictionary forgiveness is: the act of forgiving, meaning to cease to blame someone or something, grant pardon for a wrong doing, free from penalty, or cease to feel resentment against someone or something for a wrong committed.
For me, forgiveness is about releasing...releasing pain, real or imaginary...that I feel was caused by an action...a person...myself...releasing resentment...forgiving without having strings attached...forgiving from my heart...
Forgiveness is something that I do in order to heal...I am not a religious person...I am a spiritual person...and I tend not to hold onto words that have been spoken that may have hurt me when I heard them...because they hurt my ego...they did not hurt me...the me that resides in my heart...the true me...
Many spiritual leaders believe that forgiveness goes beyond the level of acceptance to a level of unconditional love...
Deepak Chopra in his book, The Deeper Wound:
“Forgiveness belongs to the heart. You can understand its value, you can believe that it is moral, good, upright and righteous to forgive – but if you don’t feel it, forgiveness is forced. Countless times you have needed forgiveness and countless times you have offered it to someone else. The mantle of who is right and who is wronged gets passed around in a circle. When you cannot find in yourself the purity of forgiveness, ask to feel more than you feel. Spirit won’t give you new and better reasons to forgive someone. It will show you another way"
How do you forgive?
Do you do so unconditionally? Do you add strings? Do you make the person jump through a hoop of fire? Do you forgive and forget? Do you forgive because that is what your heart says to do?
“Forgiveness belongs to the heart. You can understand its value, you can believe that it is moral, good, upright and righteous to forgive – but if you don’t feel it, forgiveness is forced. Countless times you have needed forgiveness and countless times you have offered it to someone else. The mantle of who is right and who is wronged gets passed around in a circle. When you cannot find in yourself the purity of forgiveness, ask to feel more than you feel. Spirit won’t give you new and better reasons to forgive someone. It will show you another way"
How do you forgive?
Do you do so unconditionally? Do you add strings? Do you make the person jump through a hoop of fire? Do you forgive and forget? Do you forgive because that is what your heart says to do?
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